I am an ANT! I am the ANT!

When I was younger I wanted to be an ant. I thought it was fucking cool as shit… because it is.

I hunted ants, I colonized them, I taught them my religion everyday through a pickle jar and every night jesus would take them. They were my closest friends, I knew I was weird but I loved myself.

My friends wouldn’t hangout with me on the weekends or in the summer because they thought that hanging out in the dirt was super lame. They were super lame and hated themselves, I would think this everyday I was sneaking salt into my pockets so my mom wouldn’t yell at me (not that she would).

One day whilst I was sitting on the curb in the front of my house a huge truck drove by and ran over my ant jar. I ran after the trick bitch screaming “IDIOT! IDIOT! I’m going to kill you – if I catch you I’ll kill you”. That was the day I knew I shouldn’t be upset with my friends for thinking I was a freak. It was valid.

So yeah, when people ask that question “what did you want to be when you were younger” I always say lawyer (which was true years after my ant dream). However to trip them up, and be the drama queen I am – I have always wanted to tell them that I wanted to be an ant. But I guess I am an ant. I’m short and brown and I have crazy control / leadership tendencies.

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