For whatever reason when traveling (in any capacity) I feel the need to experience an intense emotional cleanse. I take it upon myself to break down every (psychotic, neurotic) situation that could occur whilst getting to and from the destination. I spend days analyzing disaster data on planes that have travelled from my starting location to my destination. I think about how it could be the last time I see the person it was hardest to say goodbye to, I think about how much I’ll miss my grandmother, mom, and brother if I disappear in a freak ISIL attack. I fantasize over the possibility of losing my license and being trapped in travel purgatory. I think about the outcome of arriving late and everyone being too busy to pick me up from the airport, bus station, or train depot. I obsess over the idea of being lost somewhere and not having any money to take a cab or get a coffee from Starbucks (then having to settle for Dunkin Donuts). I think about how the weather might effect my travel plans, will I crash the car, will someone slide on black ice and smash my car up leaving everyone involved concussed and unable to call 911.
I spent a year traveling in a van with 7-8 other people, driving hundreds of miles in the snow, saying goodbye to norms every twoish months, and hiding my intense fear of travel in order to seem like a strong leader. My fear of travel & saying goodbye hasn’t gone away. Just this morning I found myself experiencing an extreme emotion cleanse on my flight from Austin to Dallas. I wasn’t thinking about my plane crashing I was thinking about everything in my life crashing, I’m quite the drama queen. I’ll probably never stop traveling, I hope to see the whole world (likely die trying but hopefully not by crashing into a cleverly designed cross you can only see from above in Dallas).
Anyway, if I do pass before seeing my loved ones again, I hope you all keep traveling on. If you were wondering, I was channeling my inner Dylan.
Love you all.
YA YA YA